Tuesday, January 3, 2012
A Look Forward
Did I make positive changes?
Did I grow as a person?
Was I a good parent more often than a bad parent?
Was I a stronger person than the year before?
Did I learn new skills and evolve professionally?
Did I come closer to becoming the daughter my late father would be proud of?
I suppose there's no denying that in even asking these questions, I'm still striving for better. I don't want to be envious of those that have more than me. I don't want to feel jealous or spiteful or negative. I don't want my pride to overshadow the good that I do. Sometimes it's painful to look around at all those things you think you need and want. And worse still to feel there's so much left unaccomplished and stymied in seeing that potential through.
It's these moments that I look down and realize that only inches from my typing hands, lies the velvety soft muzzle of a sleeping puppy. The black nose is pressing tightly to my leg, and I hear the soft inhale and exhale of each life-sustaining breath. I remember that this is a good moment. One that will never repeat itself.
It's in these moments that I know:
I made positive changes.
I grew both cognitively and emotionally as a person.
I was a parent that acted out of love, the root of which is goodness.
I found both physical and emotional strength deep within myself that allowed me to pick myself up.
I strove to do my best possible job, to care when others were indifferent, and prevail over injustice.
I thought often of my father and what he would want for me and from me as a woman of worth.
It's in these moments that I realize the past year is just a marker of time. Each day signifies the start of a new year, and each year is what you make of it.