The Top Ten Reasons Why Dog Teens Dogs are Better Than Human Teens

What adults see...

10.  Dogs grow up faster - learning the ropes and falling into line takes far less time for dogs than the learning curve we have for humans.  You'd think with those enormous brains, the human teen rate of learning should far exceed that of the family dog.  If you don't believe me, teach your dog to put away his toys.  Then tell your teenager to clean his room.  See who follows through faster, and with better reliability.

9.  Chew toys - I can order elk antler chews for all three dogs for under $30.  Teens want video games, iPads (not gonna happen), make-up, new clothes, iTunes cards, etc.  I can feel the cash being sucked from my wallet even now.  I remember the toddling days when the cardboard box holding the toy was far more fun than the actual toy could ever be.

**crickets chirping**

8. Quiet - Teen dogs don't chatter.  Never have, never will.  Oh, the quiet hours spent enjoying my dogs - puppies, teens, adults or seniors - all of which have been chatter-free!  Not a full minute can be spent with a teen without hearing blah, blah, blah about some kid at school, or some new incident.  And let's not forget about those one-sided phone conversations we're lucky enough to experience from the other room.  Squeals of disbelief and statements peppered with "like", "oh my God",  "I know", and "that's disgusting!"...

7. No lies - If a dog poops on the carpet, he doesn't pretend it didn't happen.  If he eats a full bag of pita bread, he'll bring you the empty, half-chewed bag.  If a teen does something wrong, he'll tell you it wasn't him, or the teacher didn't require that assignment to be turned in, or even that someone stole his binder at school.  The best one yet - that she didn't cut her own bangs, while they've clearly been butchered right down the middle.  She actually said someone must've cut them while she was sleeping!

6. Responsibility - If my dogs never earn the right to be left unattended at home, or to run off leash, it's really OK.  There's always the crate and the leash.  If my teen can't be trusted to stay home alone and not get into mischief, I can't watch her forever.  And when she's old enough to go into the world on her own, I can't leash her.  The leash is just too short...

5. Back talk - Dogs don't back talk.  They don't have attitudes.  They don't pout.  They don't slam doors.  Now God forbid my teen back talks or slams doors, but there's no shortage of attitudes or pouting around here.  Yuk.  If the dogs are unhappy, they just find something new to do, or take a nap.  I've never received a haiku about how unfair something is from my dog.  I can't say the same for my teen.  See reason #2.

So full of woe!

4. Behavioral consequences - When a teen dog misbehaves, you have a few options.  You can crate her, you can redirect her away from something undesirable, you can distract her with training.  I've never once been able to redirect my teenager away from being passive aggressive with a shiny new squeaker toy, or stopped her from leaving dirty laundry on the floor with a few pieces of salmon jerky and a "sit, stay".  And she just won't shut up when I put her in the crate...

3. No break-ups - Dogs don't date.  Sometimes they pine, sometimes they hump, but they simply don't date.  There's nothing sweeter than a dog following after the object of his affection, just trying to play bow his way into her heart.  The same cannot be said for human teens.  Seeing boys' names enshrined in red hearts drawn all over binders and notebooks just makes me nauseous.  And the long phone chats analyzing something "he" said meant, drives me to drink.  If you don't go anywhere, are you really "going out"?!

Double shot, please...

2. No drama - For anyone who's ever lived with a teenage girl, there's no creature more dramatic or theatrical. A dog in her teens doesn't know the meaning of drama (except of course if you have a Sibe and are trying to trim her nails or give her a bath) but human teens live and breath by the beat of soap opera music.  They ride each emotional wave like surfers on crack, crashing hard on the rocks of each jagged emotion.  (Thought I'd give you a little taste of the daily drama with that last line...pretty awful, I know.)

1. Spaying and Neutering - enough said.

Poor Arwen - even teen dogs can be annoying!

Top Gabillion Reasons for Loving Your Dog

~~numbers 1-10~~

(Siberian Husky edition)

1. If there’s another ice age, well – the more the merrier!  You’ll have transportation and snuggle buddies!  Just keep in mind these activities should really be done separately.
2. If you crave attention, just go for a walk with you Sibe – there’s no end to the “You’re dog is beautiful!” compliments.  Then of course, there's always the "Is that a wolf?" question.  Yes, seriously.
3. In a similar vein – Sibes aren’t for the shy.  Just try pulling your pup away from a great smell spot.  The howling can be heard for miles!  ( In Arwen’s case, it’s bath time that does it – we learned this the hard way…You would swear we were plucking her legs off!)
4. Your arms and shoulders will be well sculpted with all the grooming and vacuuming you'll be doing.  And don't forget what great arm strength you'll have from hanging on to the end of your leash as you’re dragged across the neighborhood. 
5. Similarly, when your Sibe jumps the fence for a neighborhood tour, you’ll get a lovely cardiovascular workout.  Nothing like a good jog in your jammies! 
6. You will have absolutely no “infestations” of the small critter kind.  This can include cats and small dogs on occasion (sorry feline and small pup friends – we love you individually very much).
7. If you ever have the need for luxurious fur in your crafts, fear not!  The Husky will provide and make more!  And more, and more….
8. Because Huskies love you deeply, they will do their best to teach you humility.  Just call for your husky while you’re enjoying the outdoors together.  This “silent treatment” is particularly effective in driving the point home.  Particularly effective when among a group of other dog parents, or as your Husky squats in your neighbor's flower bed.  
9. You’ll never miss your Sibe while out to dinner or at a friend’s house.  You’ll find stray fur bits on your clothes and in your food as gentle reminders of your treasured friend.  Your Husky buddy is so very thoughtful.
10. Huskies are masters of the economics of supply & demand.  If you have an item of value, they desire it.  And they will have it.  You have the supply and they will demand it.  Did I mention Arwen's love of beer and ice cream?